When Saying “Yes” Costs Too Much 🍂


"When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself." — Paulo Coelho

As a family caregiver, I live this truth every day. My instinct to say yes practically lives as muscle memory — yes to another online webinar, another favor for a family member, another late-night need. But behind every yes hides quiet exhaustion and the slow erosion of self. It took a while for me to realize this.

With the help of a friend, I came to embrace the idea that saying yes to myself isn’t selfish. It’s the only way to stay steady, present, and capable of giving care that comes from strength, not depletion. Here are a few other things I’ve learned along the way.

Mindset Shifts: The Art of Saying Yes to Yourself

1. Your needs are valid.

Wanting time for yourself isn’t indulgent — it’s essential. Self-care keeps you from collapsing under the weight of caregiving.

2. Practice self-compassion.
There is no such thing as a perfect caregiver. You’re doing your best in an unpredictable landscape. Speak to yourself with the same kindness you offer others.

3. Let go of guilt.
Time away doesn’t equal neglect. It’s self-preservation — and it gives your loved one the best version of you.

4. Reframe your focus.
Notice the meaningful moments — a smile, a smooth morning, a breath of calm. These small victories matter more than the unchecked boxes.

Practical Ways to Follow Through

Set boundaries that protect your energy.
Listen to your limits. When you feel resentment or tension, that’s a cue a boundary has been crossed. Communicate calmly and clearly: “I need Sunday mornings for myself to recharge.” Expect pushback — hold steady anyway. Boundaries are an act of care, not defiance.

Schedule yourself in.
Ten minutes counts. A walk, a stretch, a quiet cup of coffee — something that’s yours alone. Keep your own health appointments, nourish your body, and rest without apology.

Lean on support.
When help is offered, say yes — and be specific. Ask directly when needed. Explore respite care or adult day programs to create breathing room. Support groups and online communities can remind you that you’re not doing this alone.

Seek help when the weight gets heavy.
If burnout or anxiety start to edge in, talk to a counselor or explore resources like the Family Caregiver Alliance for local and virtual support.

A Quiet Reminder

Every time you honor your own needs, you model what sustainable care looks like.
Saying yes to yourself doesn’t take away from your caregiving — it sustains it.

💬 Prompt: What’s one small yes you can give yourself this week?

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