Some Shame Doesn’t Belong to You

 I came across a term recently that gave me pause:

Affiliate stigma.

It wasn’t familiar. It wasn’t something I went looking for. But it stirred something. Not all at once—but enough to stop me.

Affiliate stigma refers to the shame or discomfort someone feels simply because they’re associated with a person who’s been stigmatized—someone with a disability, mental illness, or cognitive condition.
For caregivers, that could mean your loved one.

I hadn’t heard it before. Maybe you haven’t either. Maybe you’ve never felt anything like that.

Or maybe you have—and didn’t know what to call it.

So let me ask:

  • Have you ever found yourself pulling back socially—not because you wanted to, but because the energy it took to explain your life wasn’t worth it?

  • Have you sensed people changing the subject when you mention your loved one’s condition?

  • Do you ever wonder if people see you differently now—not because of who you are, but who you care for?

This isn’t about having all the answers. I don’t. I’m still thinking about it myself.

But I wanted to bring this forward—not as a lesson, but as a question: Have you ever felt this kind of weight… and realized later it didn’t belong to you?

It might not be your experience. Or it might be something you’ve brushed off for years, without knowing why it stung. Either way - this post isn’t meant to define your reality. Just hold space for it. In case no one else has. Because sometimes,

* just hearing someone ask the right question is enough to open a door—
*to remembering,
*to understanding,
*to saying, “Yes… I’ve been there. I just didn’t know it at the time.”

And that, right there, is the moment where reflection begins.

🫶
Sandra

👉 The Caregiver Lifestyle: https://thecaregiverlifestyle.blogspot.comtps://thecaregiverlifestyle.blogspot.com

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