The Caregiver Lifestyle

  “Forgiveness is like setting down a heavy burden. You feel lighter, freer, and closer to joy.” That line from my daily devotional stopped me in my tracks. Because caregiving doesn’t just test your patience in the present—it can awaken old wounds from the past. When Caregiving Resurrects Old Hurts Caregiving has a way of pulling long-buried family hurts back to the surface. Sibling feuds that never really healed. Grudges carried from childhood. Resentments toward parents or even toward the person you now care for. It’s easy to get pulled back in—trapped within those old walls. Communication breaks down. Patience grows thin. Even when we know better, the feelings can consume us. I know caregivers who have lived it fully, and I’ve stood on the edge of it myself. That weight is real. And it doesn’t make the work any easier. Why Forgiveness Matters in Caregiving Unforgiveness is heavy. It adds stress to an already demanding role. The burden doesn’t just live in y...

 I came across a term recently that gave me pause: Affiliate stigma. It wasn’t familiar. It wasn’t something I went looking for. But it stirred something. Not all at once—but enough to stop me. Affiliate stigma refers to the shame or discomfort someone feels simply because they’re associated with a person who’s been stigmatized—someone with a disability, mental illness, or cognitive condition. For caregivers, that could mean your loved one. I hadn’t heard it before. Maybe you haven’t either. Maybe you’ve never felt anything like that. Or maybe you have—and didn’t know what to call it. So let me ask: Have you ever found yourself pulling back socially —not because you wanted to, but because the energy it took to explain your life wasn’t worth it? Have you sensed people changing the subject when you mention your loved one’s condition? Do you ever wonder if people see you differently now —not because of who you are, but who you care for? This isn’t about ha...

  Image: www.pixabay/david reed Grief can be ever-present in a caregiver’s life. It doesn’t just arrive when someone passes away—it often shows up quietly, in the middle of ordinary days. One form of grief you may not expect is when your loved one begins losing their friends and peers. If you’ve ever watched your parent, spouse, or relative sit with the news that another lifelong friend is gone, you know the silence that follows. It’s not just about missing one person—it’s about the circle around them growing smaller. And as their caregiver, you feel that ripple, too. When older adults lose their peers, the effect can be profound. Fatigue sets in. Hobbies that once sparked joy suddenly feel pointless. Withdrawal becomes easier than connection. You can’t fix the loss—but you can offer compassion, patience, and gentle encouragement toward new ways of belonging. How to Support a Loved One’s Grief Over Peer Loss Here are some ways to help your loved one navigate this tender terra...

  P hrases can take on a life of their own. We say them easily—without pausing to ask what they really mean.  Take “Travel is self-care” for example.  It rolls off the tongue, looks great on Instagram. Yet, underneath the hashtag is a deeper truth waiting to be unpacked.  Really, what does it actually mean? Is it about sipping a cocktail on a beach? Booking a solo trip to Tuscany? Unplugging from your life and pretending it all disappears?  Sometimes. But most of the time it’s more tender than that. More sacred. And less filtered. 🧳 Travel is stepping outside your caregiving loop.  Caregiving creates a loop—predictable, demanding, often exhausting.  Self-care travel interrupts that loop. Even a short weekend away can reset your nervous system. New sounds. Different light. Another way of doing breakfast. It’s not escape—it’s exhale. 🌍 Travel helps caregivers reclaim identity.   When you’re a caregiver, it’s easy to feel invisibl...

  www.pixabay.com/user As a caregiver, self-care is not optional—it’s fundamental. Without my ability to care for myself and stay healthy, I won’t be able to show up for my family when they need me most. And it’s not just about meeting their needs; it’s also about preserving my own vitality so I can keep going, mentally and physically. Let's face it, we all want to age gracefully.  One ongoing challenge I face is getting quality sleep . Insomnia has followed me since grad school and remains a persistent issue now that I’m caring for an elderly parent. And I know I’m not alone—many caregivers struggle to fall asleep, stay asleep, or get enough restorative rest.  In fact, it is hard to fall asleep and stay asleep, if doing so means staying semi-alert.  I've come to learn that insomnia has more than one path to resolution . For some, that may include medication. Others turn to cognitive behavioral therapy. But what’s been gaining attention—and what resonates with me—i...

www.pixabay.com/user Caregiving is demanding in ways most people never see. It isn’t just the appointments, medications, or logistics — it’s the invisible weight that presses down on your mind, body, and spirit. When life feels heavy, the world has expectations of  'more” or “make time for big self-care.” But sometimes the most powerful healing isn’t loud or elaborate. Sometimes it’s in the smallest rituals. A Personal Moment Last week, my dad was hospitalized. Those days were filled with long hours, phone calls, and difficult decisions. By the time I got home, I felt hollowed out. Not just tired, simply emptied. In moments like this, I don’t have the energy for big solutions. No spa days, no elaborate routines. What I do have is a few drops of lavender oil, mixed into sweet almond oil. I rub it into my palms, cup my hands over my face, and breathe deeply. It’s not magic. It doesn’t erase the stress. But for those few minutes, I feel grounded again. I come back to myself. Why Smal...

  Caregiving is demanding enough without the extra weight of perfectionism. Yet many caregivers fall into rigid thoughts that quietly drain our energy and joy. Furthermore, it restricts our ability to adapt effective coping strategies. The end result is increase stress levels, burnout and other negative outcomes. The Signs of Caregiver Perfectionism “I should do it all myself.” Asking for help feels like failure. “No one can care for them like I can.” Taking on everything leaves no space for rest. Fear of judgment—what will people think if I lean on outside support? Guilt when sleep, exercise, or simple enjoyment get pushed aside. Suppressing emotions because anger, sadness, or exhaustion feel “selfish.” Why It Matters These thoughts may sound noble, but they take a toll. They erode your health, fuel stress and depression, and can even limit your loved one’s independence. Over time, perfectionism leaves both of you worse off. A Healthier Shift When you notic...