The Lens Through Which We See: A Caregiver’s Perception of Reality

 

I have always been fascinated by the idea of perception—how two people can witness the same event and walk away with completely different truths. It wasn’t until I became a caregiver that I truly began to understand just how much perception shapes reality.

Recently, I came across a quote from Daniel Colón-Ramírez, a curator at Yale University’s Peabody Museum, that struck a chord: “Our sense of reality is influenced by what we think is true.” I read it, paused, and let it sink in. I realized how deeply this idea has played out in my own life.

Like many family caregivers, I stepped into this role with a mix of love, obligation, and uncertainty. I had my own set of beliefs about what caregiving should look like—many of them shaped by society, family expectations, and my own perfectionist tendencies. I believed a good caregiver put their own needs last, that self-sacrifice was a sign of devotion, and that I had to handle everything on my own. I thought this was the truth. But what if I had it wrong?

The "Good Caregiver" Myth and the Reality Check

One of the biggest misconceptions I carried into caregiving was the "Good Caregiver" Myth—the belief that I had to be perfect in my role, never make mistakes, and always provide the best care possible. I was afraid of failing my loved ones, of not doing enough, of making a wrong decision that would somehow lead to harm.

This myth was paralyzing. It kept me in a state of emotional insecurity, constantly second-guessing myself and living in an exhausting cycle of guilt. No matter what I did, it never felt like enough.

But here’s the truth: There is no perfect caregiver. Mistakes will happen. You will feel overwhelmed. You will have days when you question everything. And none of that makes you inadequate—it makes you human.

The more I allowed myself to release the illusion of perfection, the more my reality changed. I began to see that self-care wasn’t selfish—it was survival. That asking for help didn’t make me weak—it made me stronger. That I could be a caregiver and still have a life outside of caregiving. The more I allowed myself to shift my perception, the more my experience transformed.

Seeing My Loved Ones Through a New Lens

Perception doesn’t just shape how we see ourselves—it dictates how we see those we care for. I remember moments when frustration crept in, when a difficult day made me feel like my loved one was being stubborn or uncooperative. It would have been easy to hold onto that perception. But then I would stop and ask myself: What if I’m not seeing the full picture?

I started to pay attention to the underlying emotions behind their actions—fear, confusion, and the silent grief of losing independence. Instead of reacting with frustration, I began responding with more patience, understanding that their world was shifting in ways neither of us could fully control. My reality changed because I allowed my perception to change.

Reframing Loss and Finding Growth

It would be easy to define caregiving by what it has taken: time, freedom, energy, and identity. I won’t pretend that those losses aren’t real. But I’ve also come to see what caregiving has given me—resilience, strength I didn’t know I had, a deeper sense of purpose, and a connection with my loved ones that runs deeper than words.

When I began shifting my perception from what I had lost to what I had gained, my reality transformed. I was no longer just enduring the experience—I was growing through it.

Owning My Perspective and My Power

There was a time when I believed that doctors and professionals knew best, that my role was simply to follow their lead. But I learned that caregivers have a unique kind of wisdom—the intimate knowledge of our loved ones’ daily rhythms, quirks, and unspoken needs. I started to see myself not just as a caregiver but as an advocate, someone who had the right to ask questions, challenge assumptions, and stand firm when needed.

A Final Thought: Reality is Fluid

What I know now is that reality isn’t fixed—it’s fluid, shaped by the lens through which we view it. Caregiving hasn’t changed; I have. I see things differently now, and because of that, my experience is different.

If I could go back and tell my younger caregiving self one thing, it would be this: Your reality is shaped by what you believe. So choose beliefs that empower you, not ones that diminish you. Choose a perception that allows you to thrive, not just survive.

And maybe, just maybe, the world we see isn’t set in stone—but created by the stories we tell ourselves.

👉 What beliefs about caregiving have shaped your reality? Have you ever experienced a mindset shift that changed how you care for yourself and your loved one? Share your thoughts in the comments!

🌿 Read more about self-care on my blog:
👉 The Caregiver Lifestyle: https://thecaregiverlifestyle.blogspot.com

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