I Did Not Know Myself Anymore: Losing Yourself in Caregiving—And How to Find Your Way Back

I did not know myself anymore. That thought hit me like a ton of bricks one day as I caught my reflection in the mirror. I stood there, exhausted, staring at someone I no longer recognized. The spark in my eyes had dimmed. My posture slumped under the invisible weight I carried daily. My mind raced through everything I needed to do—medication schedules, doctor’s appointments, meals, check-ins, and cleaning up yet another mess. I barely had time to think, let alone feel.

And then the realization settled in: I wasn’t just tired. I wasn’t just overwhelmed. I was losing myself.

The Silent Erosion of Self in Caregiving

No one tells you how caregiving slowly strips away your identity. It doesn’t happen overnight. It happens so gradually that you don’t even notice—until one day, you do.

At first, you skip the little things:
🚫 Postponing that coffee date because your loved one needs you.
🚫 Skipping your morning walk because there’s just too much to do.
🚫 Giving up hobbies because there’s no energy left.

Slowly, the things that made you start slipping away. The music you used to love becomes background noise. The books you once devoured sit unread. Your world becomes smaller, revolving around someone else’s needs, while your own disappear into the background.

And the scariest part? You don’t even realize it’s happening—until it feels like it’s too late.

When You Love Someone, It’s Easy to Disappear

Caregiving is an act of deep love. It’s instinctual to pour yourself into it. But love should never require self-sacrifice to the point of self-destruction.

For a long time, I convinced myself that putting myself last was the right thing to do. After all, how could I possibly focus on myself when someone depended on me? How could I even think about joy, hobbies, or rest when there were so many responsibilities?

But then I asked myself: If I disappear, who will be left to give the care?

Because the truth is—burnout doesn’t serve anyone. Running on empty doesn’t make you a better caregiver. It makes you resentful. It makes you exhausted. And eventually, it makes you sick.

I had to find a way back to myself—not just for me, but for the person I was caring for.

How I Started Reclaiming Myself

I won’t pretend that change happened overnight. But I knew I couldn’t keep going the way I was. So, I started small.

1️⃣ I gave myself permission to exist outside of caregiving.
It sounds simple, but it’s powerful. I started reminding myself: I am a person outside of this role. I am allowed to have joy. I deserve to have moments for myself.

2️⃣ I reintroduced little joys into my day.
I didn’t have hours to spare, but I had moments.

• I played music while I did chores—songs that reminded me of who I was before caregiving consumed me.
• I stepped outside for fresh air, even if only for five minutes.
• I started stretching in the morning instead of immediately jumping into caregiving duties.

3️⃣ I set one small boundary.
At first, it was just one. I decided I would take five minutes with my coffee in the morning—without interruptions, without guilt. That tiny boundary showed me that my needs mattered, too. And from there, I learned how to set more.

4️⃣ I reconnected with people who reminded me of who I was.
I reached out to friends I had drifted away from. I made an effort to have conversations that weren’t about caregiving. And little by little, I started feeling like me again.

If You Feel Lost, Here’s How to Find Your Way Back

If you’ve ever felt like you were disappearing in caregiving, I want you to know—you are not alone. And you can start reclaiming yourself, even in small ways.

💡 Try this today: Think of one thing that used to bring you joy—something simple. Now, do it. No guilt. No excuses. Just one small act of self-care.

And remember: You are not “just” a caregiver. You are a whole person, and you deserve to be seen, loved, and cared for—including by yourself.

💬 Let’s talk about it. Have you ever felt like you were disappearing in caregiving? What’s one thing that helps bring you back? Drop a comment below. ⬇️

#CaregiverChronicles #RediscoverYourself #YouMatterToo