The Aware Caregiver

I am of the opinion that caregiving is an exploration of self.  No, I would go even further. Caregiving takes you to places within yourself that you would prefer not to bear witness to.  While caregiving may not celebrate your greatness, it certainly accentuates your flaws.  How you show up as a caregiver is how you show up everywhere.

Are you easily agitated at work? Then guess what, so will you be as a caregiver.  Are you short tempered with others?  You guessed it, you are short tempered when rendering care to loved ones. Any personality trait you can think of, will magnify in its expression while in the role of caregiver.

Impatience, mean spiritedness, callousness, cold/aloofness, cruelty, disorganized, all follow you in your role as caregiver.  The thing most frightening about caregiving is the opportunity for violence.  Caregiving is stressful, and nerves can become frayed.  Vulnerable people hate being so and become defensive. The dynamic of caregiving is a push pull scenario.  One of having the wrong buttons pushed and eliciting an equally negative response. Those who thrive on the weaknesses and neediness of others find this environment rich in opportunity.  Opportunities to feel better at the expense of others. Opportunities to release frustrations, inadequacies, or resentments abound.  Dysfunctional interactions can escalate unless self-control is mastered. 

Paid caregivers are evaluated to determine whether they possess the temperament for the job. Unfortunately, this is not true of the family caregiver forced to assume the role of caregiver to a child, aging parent, or suddenly ill spouse.  This individual often did not receive any training in effective communication, proactive problem solving, empathy, observation or time management. The caregiver forced to be housekeeper, appointment scheduler, chauffeur, grocery shopper, medication dispenser, nursing assistant, financial wizard, health care system navigator and much more begins to feel inadequate and overwhelmed. 

 The strain of caregiving can expose borderline cracks in personality development and/or mental health. A once seemingly calm and carefree (or wound a bit too tightly) caregiver is now frazzled and headed for 'the edge'.  This individual is capable of becoming abusive.  If cunning, said individual can morph into the "closet" abuser; someone capable of operating without being discovered, particularly if the recipient is suffering from dementia.  

The frightening part of this scenario is this, anyone can cross the line and become a perpetrator.  This is where self-awareness offers a solution. It is here that self-care offers prevention.