The Caregiver Lifestyle

🧭 Coping Tips: Dementia and Sexuality This is Part 2 of a two-part series on dementia and sexuality.  If you missed Part 1, you can access it here.  https://thecaregiverlifestyle.blogspot.com/2025/05/when-dementia-blurs-boundaries-part-1.html Here are gentle, research-informed ways to navigate this painful terrain: ✔️ Understand the Cause This behavior is not intentional. It’s the result of brain changes , especially in the frontal lobes, where impulse control, memory, and inhibition live. Recognizing this doesn’t erase the discomfort, but it helps release misplaced shame. ✔️ Set and Hold Clear Boundaries You have a right to say no. To redirect. To leave the room. To call in support. You are not required to “absorb” inappropriate behavior in the name of caregiving. ✔️ Use Nonjudgmental Redirection If your loved one speaks or acts inappropriately, calmly shift focus. Offer an activity, play music, or guide them toward something that soothes and distracts without e...

  As family caregivers, there is so much to share and reflect upon. We talk about end-of-life planning. We talk about care and treatment decisions, financial and legal matters. We talk about the logistics of daily life—bathing, feeding, managing medications, and the never-ending paperwork. We coordinate doctor’s appointments, handle hygiene, juggle grocery shopping, cleaning, meal prep, and medication schedules. We talk about anticipatory grief —the slow, aching loss that begins long before the final goodbye. We talk about exhaustion, decision fatigue, and the emotional toll of watching someone we love slip away. We talk about the things we can say out loud. But one conversation is still missing. 👉 Our loved ones are sexual beings. That part of their identity doesn’t vanish with age—and it doesn’t disappear with a diagnosis. Yet for many caregivers, this truth goes unspoken until it shows up in ways that are hard to explain, harder to witness, and sometimes painful to navigate. W...

  This reflection is adapted from my upcoming book, Walking Each Other Home , where I explore what it really means to care for others without losing yourself. Caregiving Is an Intimate Relationship—But It Still Needs Boundaries Caregiving is a deeply personal and often sacred relationship. And just like any meaningful relationship, its success depends on establishing clear guidelines—rules of engagement that promote mutual respect, trust, and emotional well-being. Loving someone doesn’t mean losing yourself. Boundaries are how we protect the sacred parts of ourselves while loving others deeply. Why Boundaries Aren’t Selfish—They’re Essential It took time—and a lot of emotional exhaustion—for me to realize that setting boundaries isn’t about creating distance. It’s about creating space to protect my energy, time, and emotional well-being. Defining where I end and where others begin isn’t self-preservation—it’s self-respect. Boundaries allow me to care for others without dis...

“Optimism for Caregivers – Mental Health Awareness Month” Optimism is making room for the good, the bad, and the ugly. Not exactly the message most caregivers hear. We’re often encouraged to “stay positive,” “keep your chin up,” or “look on the bright side.” But for those living in the thick of caregiving, those phrases can feel hollow—like emotional wallpaper over a cracked foundation. The truth is, real optimism isn't pretty or polished. It isn’t smiling through tears or denying how hard this all is. Real optimism is radical. It’s resistance. And it’s something caregivers practice every single day—whether they call it that or not. The Quiet Optimism of Caregivers You get up, even when you’re bone-tired. You advocate for a loved one, even when no one else sees the full picture. You laugh when you can. You cry when you need to. And still, you keep showing up. That’s not just responsibility. That’s belief in something better—even if the “better” is a small moment of pe...

Imagine this. Three sisters and a brother, all in their 50s and 60s, are planning a family getaway. Their adult children—some in graduate school, others busy building lives out of state—are invited. And at the heart of it all: Mom and Dad, aging gracefully but now needing more care and support. This isn’t a vacation for vacation’s sake. It’s the beginning of a new rhythm: a sacred pause for reconnection, caregiving, and presence. According to the Family Travel Association, more families today are traveling together across generations—not just to cut costs, but to reclaim time, deepen bonds, and create meaningful experiences that span decades. But how do you plan a trip that includes caregivers, aging parents, and young adults with busy lives and different needs? You start small. You start with intention. And you honor the needs of everyone involved. 💡 Why Start Small? Start with a cabin. A nearby lake. A weekend that doesn’t require flights or passports. Smaller trips...

  💬 Who This Post Is For This post is for the caregiver who didn’t plan to become one. For the woman who now builds her day around someone else’s needs but can’t remember the last time she asked herself, “What do I need?” It’s for the seasoned caregiver who moves through her routines with muscle memory, but feels the quiet ache of self-neglect. For the one who loves deeply — and is tired silently. For the one who wonders where she went in all the caregiving. If you’ve ever caught yourself operating on autopilot… If you’ve ever questioned whether your care is coming from love or survival… This reflection is for you. You are not invisible. You are not alone. And you are not just a caregiver. This Saturday morning, before diving into my daily caregiver responsibilities, I came across a phrase that stopped me in my tracks: “the caregiving habit.” It lingered with me — not just because it was unfamiliar, but because it captured something many family caregivers experience: ho...

  “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” — Anne Lamott Caregivers are praised for their selflessness, strength, and endurance. But rarely are we asked about our joy. Our rest. Our dreams. Too often, we live in “survival mode”—a cycle of tending, fixing, managing, and enduring. Travel interrupts that cycle in a sacred way. Travel is not escape. It’s restoration. For caregivers, the idea of travel can feel like a luxury or a far-off fantasy. But what if we reframed it as a necessity ? Not a break from responsibility, but a return to ourselves? When you step outside your routine—even for a weekend—you step into presence . You allow beauty to soften your edges. You rediscover wonder, curiosity, and possibility. Travel invites you to be more than a caregiver. It allows you to be a person again. Even short trips can shift everything. You don’t have to fly across the world to feel free. A walk on the beach. A solo ov...

There’s something about New England in the summer that awakens a quiet longing in me. The kind of longing that isn’t loud, but deep. The kind that makes you pause mid-task, mid-thought, mid-scroll... and breathe. New England is steeped in charm—quaint villages, coastal harbors, the hush of fog in the morning, and echoes of a Gilded Age that once gave us grand porches and slower days. But this isn’t a travel blog. This is a caregiver’s corner of the world. So why are we talking about New England? Because sometimes, in the middle of caregiving, we forget what it feels like to imagine something beautiful. To daydream. To want something. Caregiving grounds us—but it can also weigh us down. And when our bodies are anchored to daily responsibilities, it’s easy to believe that our souls can’t roam either. But that isn’t true. Even if you can’t board a cruise or pack a suitcase, you can still take a soul-journey. A vintage escape. A moment to remember what your spirit sounds...